This article is about our view on when and how queer culture become toxic. As usual, the reader is remembered that these are free thoughts of a free man, and are not intended to hurt, exclude or mistreat anybody. I would also like to remember the reader that I pay for the website, I run the website, I am the owner of this website which is for adults only, and therefor if you feel disturbed by what you read, you are welcomed to find safety on other harbors of the internet or elsewhere.
Rise and fall: How did queer Culture become toxic ?
My name is Lupus, called LeatherBigWolf online. I am an Old Guard Leatherman. What a better way to start with my point of view on Queer culture in 2020. It is important to underline it because by being aware of it, I also understand that the negative sides of the evolution that Queer Culture, in my opinion, affected in the more obvious and direct way people like me. I was a GLBTQI activist for some years, in which I dedicated with passion all of my energies to educate gay and straight people, and to be inclusive and positive, in order to fight globally against homophobia, oppression, discrimination and abuse on minorities. I was enraged by how young people would not partecipate to civil rights movements with energy, underestimating the threat of a society which was not ready, in some areas worst than in others, to embrace multiculturalism and being respectful to all ideas and inclinations (and maybe, it’ll never be). I though we were all brothers and sisters, and I still think that we are. But we are still individuals and we still are all different, and we should stay that way. If you can still recall the time when you were free to have your own opinions, to be original in your own way, and to find a way of life that you validated, and not one that is validated by the masses, the whole agenda in the Queer and generally GLBTQI movement was to claim our right to be different, to be unique, to be special in our own way, and at the same time being considered normal in that, because we all have the right to be imperfect, we have the right to be humans. Now, while we have been making some good progresses in that, a short circuit have happened. Being gay implied, at some point of this revolution, not to have any strong set of rules. We were right out of the AIDS death toll, so we didn’t have the “Community” as it was intended in pre-AIDS time, one made of protection of one another, brotherhood, internal rules and mechanics, and such. We were not ready to have our own made rules either, rules and codes that though existed before the HIV death toll, as an example in the Old Guard Leather Community (but not only that). Since society didn’t have a set place for us, we didn’t have any rail to follow. This was very scary, but also very liberating. You could do what you wanted, since society thought you were a worthless pervert anyway. So you could want a family, or you could want to be single all life, you could want to be monogamous, poligamous, poliamorous, you could want to just party and dance every day, and you could decide to claim your right to enjoying being a slut and taking as many cocks as possible for the sake of it. They were roaring ages of a sort of sexual liberation. And with the arrive of PreP, this involved also most of the gay men sexual behaviour towards safety, but that’s another story.
Homologation = Control
Quite soon, thought, we started to have a deep hunger for “more”. Once everything that is excessive has become permitted, it doesn’t feel so special anymore. It was great yeah, but what about that thrill of the conquer? What about being able to actually enjoy something because you had to work for it? Maybe that’s why when these people are done with their new grindr hookup, before he actually leaves the house they are already on grindr again? Gay culture started to cannibalize itself and its inner communities one by one, because being gay seemed to mean that you were entitled to everything; we have suffered, we have fought (well, the old generations did) and so now we want to enjoy everything; it’s understandable, but it took everything sacred and it moved it away from it’s sacred place, bringing it to a neutral context; so every community became easily accessible to everyone for the sake of doing it because “the other guys” was doing it, because it was “the new thing”. Take Leather, chastity, poliamory, genital modification… take anything that before was special, had an history of it’s own and was about a personality, then commercialize it through professional aseptic pornography made only by “perfectly attractive models” (instead of men), commercialize it through parties, and put a price tag on it. Gay people will love it and buy it.
This happens because the gay community, for how much it likes to deny it, is still searching for itself, for its role models and its values; values that were lost after the AIDS epidemic in the late 80’s/90’s. So, fast forward to today, what is the result?
- Everybody looks the same
- Everybody goes to the same parties
- Everybody buys the same gear
- Everybody must use the same slang
- Everybody must “spill the tea sis”
Take all of this and mix the more pictoresque representation of some of the core assets of the Queer Culture, such as gender non binarism, gender fluidity, hyperfeminization as opposition to hypermachism, and so on, with what they have cannibalized. And, like in a Pirandellian show, queer people keep saying this is awesome. But I think they know they feel more and more lonely, like if it doesn’t matter how much they eat what had a history and put it back out all mixed together in this self entitlement parade of “I own everything because I have rights to everything”. They stil feel that lack of structure and personal purpose. This is of course, just my opinion.
Respect, Freedom and protection, as long as you’re queer the way we like
What strikes me the most about the situation is how the same rights they dress up in colorful clothes for, are aggressively denied by them to whoever has a different opinion. When you try to confront them and invite them to a healthy discussion, you get immediately insulted and accused of being homophobic, retrograde, trapped in a toxic image of masculinity, that you are “cis” and suddenly, just because you were born that way and you genuinely feel ok that way, if you dare to enjoy being masculine in the most natural sense of it, or being linked to a set of values that today are not appreciated and so on, you are to blame. All of a sudden, they are doing what it was done to them (to us, or to straight people too).
How come that we have become this way? How come that at a Gay Pride you can jump on a car only if you are cool enough for the little club that is sported there (talking about gym muscle bears and such, as an example)? How come you are socially accepted by the main gay scene only if you take drugs, go to the gym, alter yourself to fit into a standard? Why can’t your story be different and be valued and kept safe from homologation? Weren’t we fighting homologation? Weren’t we the ones that were better, and respectful and taking care of diversity? Fuck, nowadays if you don’t know Ru Paul’s Drag Race you are to blame, you are not part of the team, you are almost automatically against the gay world because “if you don’t care for it, you must have something against it”.
Sugar coating on top, but what’s left inside?
Moreover, the contemporary Queer Culture seems to have absorbed behavioral standards from the teen’s community while suffering from a strong Peter Pan syndrome; as it got mixed with all the possible sub cultures it could cannibalize (pups, furries and teens included), it acquired all of the worst dynamics in the teen’s community. These people don’t want to be disturbed by accountability and responsibility, they don’t want their world to be touched by external events, except they are entitled to an opinion on any external events with the mechanics we have seen before. So in a time of crisis, in a time in which maturity, responsibility, sacrifice and strength are needed, what do they do? They hide their heads under the sand, and they refuse to acknowledge the change. Just look at how the recent Coronavirus situation has been handled by so many gay “men” online. They don’t want to live in the real world. Someone else will fix the mess, while they can keep playing their games; just like children do. You can check my twitter account for more screenshots like this, also keep an eye out for the dedicated article I’m writing specifically about how modern gay culture is handling the Covid19 emergency for more content.
“It’s just a different kind of Drag”
Once I’ve met a guy who did Leather porn movies in the past; the way he look and spoke in chat was just right; the premises were just right. I was in my mid 20’s. One day he contact me to let me know he was in my town and wanted to meet up. I’ve explained him I was home alone with a high fever and therefor it wasn’t possible to do anything, especially since I was concerned for my health. He proposed to still meet. I have refused several times. He was 56, I was 24; he started acting reassuring and saying he offered to just come and sit by my bed to keep company so we could have talked and got to know each other while keeping me company and under control. I thought that was sweet and the mark of a real Man. When he came, we talked about Leather. I expressed my views, and when I’ve asked about his, he crawled on my bed coming towards me, and said “Oh baby. It’s just a different kind of Drag” and tried to kiss me. I felt so insulted and angry. I requested explanation and reminded him that I was sick and didn’t want to have any sex (yet he was really a hot looking person, it wasn’t the easiest of things I must admit). He stated how nobody believed in “this shit” and that it was just a less colorful drag queen code, capable of opening you the gates to much many more and different cocks to suck. I told him that this is how people like him are raping a culture and murdering it; I didn’t want to see this person anymore.
This kind of view is also proposed by one of the most recognizable players in the fetish apps and online community scene, Recon. Here’s their podcast about Old Guard Leather, and our comment.
This is the pink fascist way throughout which a part of Queer Culture is doing a culture cannibalism of everything that has an history different from their Agenda, this is how weak and spineless men are created, by taking any seriousness, accountability, sense of duty and discipline, sense of honor and brotherhood, respect for traditions and respect for our natural biology (not talking about gender identity here AT ALL), and tossing everything in the garbage for all future generations. The worst part? Most of these “mature men” have a specific agenda linked to their middle-life crisis. They don’t want to face the fact that they are growing older, and they are afraid of remaining alone as it’s quite tough to be an older man if you didn’t fulfill your existence with a drive that has value to yourself; I guess that by luring younger generations into drugs abuse and hollow sexuality makes them feel less of a failure to themselves, as much a wiping out any culture based on integrity does. Just count the number of the self-called “Daddies” who will offer you some “Tina” in order to get the party started and going. This kind of world cannot be accepted by and Old Guard Leatherman; apparently another difference between Old Guard and new guard is that this behavior in the second group is maybe not encouraged, but for sure not condemned either.
What about nature? What about Authenticity?
It’s out of question: the human brain is superior to the animals one as it has the capability to interpret reality, conceptualize it, and therefor create it and alter it. Therefor, it is RIGHT that anyone decides their gender, their name, their sexual interests, their identity and whatever else. This is PERFECT and I have nothing against it. I am that way as well, of course. Yet, there is also a limit to what can be altered by will, such as the laws of nature. Fire will still burn, water will still be wet, spiders all still insects and a shadow is still a shadow. Therefore there is nothing wrong to say that Mammals are programmed by nature to need a social structure, made of groups of individuals living in a micro-social groups (clans, tribes, packs…) ordered by a hierarchy in which everyone has its role, everyone is valued, although laws of nature are in place and sometimes it can look unfair, violent, cruel and raw. Nature is also that, and we are part of nature. We can’t be the same arrogant humans that we condemn: Nature can’t be beaten, and we are not something better or alien to it. We are part of nature 100%. There is nothing wrong in recognizing that in a vaste majority of the cases what is traditionally intended with masculinity is a set of genetical factors, different in any species, set in place by nature to enhance visually, acoustically, and from every sensorial and perceptive point of view the males and the Alpha from the rest of the pack. This is also why in nature to determine who’s the Alpha, you’ll have ways of confronting each other exactly baed on these genetical factors. Humans are all different and OF COURSE being given by genetics the looks that traditionally were associated with Dominance and Virility, doesn’t mean today that it aligns with our personality. This is very ok. But just because that’s ok it doesn’t mean that the opposite is a threat or an enemy! There is nothing wrong in looking traditionally butch and wanting to be feminine, or gender non binary, or a cow, or whatever you want. That’s great. But just because this is true, it doesn’t mean that EVERYBODY must be that way. The thoughts that some individuals might be very aligned in personality with the physical traits that nature gave it, seem not to cross queer people’s minds. Just as much as they decided that it’s wrong or toxic to be attracted by what traditional masculinity evokes to them. Yet, the nature of everybody is the nature of all the universe. Which is undeniable and unchangeable. And it says that mammals need a Leader and a social structure be it in a pack or just in a family.
And therefor, the schizophrenic dynamic
This brings to the most incomprehensible and schizophrenic desires in most of the subs that I see today online. Most of gay people now seem to want to get everything that they desire in their menu of wants and needs; as an example: given that a good top is dedicated to the bottom needs, this has shifted to meaning “I, the bottom, am a prince and you are the slave of my desires. You are there to make my fantasy come true. You are a temporary proxy for my pleasure. Have a big cock or piss off”; but this leaves them unsatisfied doesn’t it? Because what they jerk off to in their fantasies, what they really want, is a real life experience; it’s not made of plastic or a flat screen, it’s made of intensity. But being able to feel intensity requires for the bottom to be open, naked emotionally, to listen to the other man and be willing to please him; instead, they are thinking only of their own pleasure, by pretending to be submissive (faking it both to the Dominant and both to themselves). Therefor, you’ll end up in pitiful sceneries like these ones here. They jerk off about big brutes that will “destroy their cunts” and “abuse” them, they complain with their friends that there are no “real tops” and really dominante men around, but if you dare to be one, you get sushed for having the guts of dearing to challenge their opinions. If you want to guide them to something and you don’t agree with them, or you express how YOU want to be served and not the other way around, then you’re a toxic insecure person, and an abusive one as well. We are all different, and it shall stay that way.
It is a very interesting post! I fully agree with your analysis. Many years ago (25 ?), when I started to discover the fetish and BDSM community as a young adept, I found the “brotherhood” and certain honour and values that were greatly cherished back then. Being originally from Poland, Berlin was the natural direction. At that time, the only “event” was Berlin Easter fetish meeting. It was informal and not organised. The Folsom in Berlin appeared only years later. One can say that I am nostalgic, by claiming that “in the past everything was better”. However, in the recent years I recognise the progressive “cannibalisation” of the LGBT community. Cannibalisation and over-commercialisation. Nowadays, one can even buy a “pride” yogurt with rainbow flag on it. Today rainbow colours sell well 🙁
Equally, I have been accused of being homophobic because I consider myself a man, I train martial arts and puppy fashion is not “my thing”. Saying that I don’t like it – provokes comments that I am homophobic, etc …
I really like the term “homologation” which you use in this context. Indeed, nothing what is mainstream gay lifestyle is not accepted or allowed anymore…
Glad to see that there still exist “Old Guards”. In a way you always inspired me and from time to time, I followed your contributions on your social media channels… Thanks for this website…
Thanks a lot for your comment; getting this kind of feedback really makes my day and gives purpose and meaning to this website. It’s not really because I need to be told I’m right, but to read that other likeminded people feel less lonely, and that WE are still out there, is exactly the goal of the website, and the huge amount of effort to maintain it.
The saddest part of new guard community is that even when in good will, they are so blinded by their self entitlement, that they really cannot see they have become the oppressor.
Thanks for joining in and being a member at Haus Mein Gott.