When it comes to “punishment”, there’s always a lot to say. Most kink people nowadays talk about punishment as a way of flirting and introductory conversion (eg. a Dom telling a sub online “I’ll punish you, fag. I’ll strap you to my spreader bar and I’ll make you squeal like the pig you are”), some other subs fantasize about being forced into submission through punishment for their resistance to Dominance.

In both cases, we find it to be a concept that doesn’t really belong to the actual experience and also mere dictionary definition of what punishment is. We’d thought to share boy Wolfy’s writing about the meaning of punishment in BDSM, as it is in this household; it might be an inspiration, or something to build constructive debate about.

About the Meaning of Punishment in BDSM 

Punishment in BDSM as seen in porn movies

Years ago, boy had some great dreams (that are still hot to me today). One of them went something like this: boy had disobeyed my MASTER and He was pissed.  He ordered me to get up to the sling room and get ready to be punished. He strode in, wearing some incredible leather chaps, covered in a sheen of sweat. He ordered me to strip, which I did quickly. He then walked up and pushed me to my knees and said I had better get ready to be punished (for whatever I had done as I cannot remember), and he took out his cock and pissed in my face, saying something about making sure I remembered who was boss. Of course, I eagerly opened my mouth, taking some in, and enjoyed this and catching the stream all over my face and chest and crotch. He grabbed me roughly and turned me around pissing on my hole. When he was finished, he was fully hard, and ordered me to suck his cock. He pushed it quickly down my throat, and I loved the feeling of it sliding in and out of my mouth, taken out occasionally to swat my face with it. I was so turned on! He then pushed his hairy ass into my face and ordered it to lick, saying after he was done, I’d never mess up again. Oohs and ahhs came from his mouth as boy’s tongue eagerly licked and sucked his hole.

He then ordered me to stand up as he sat on the bed, and had me lay across his lap, and he began to lightly spank me, telling me I was worthless and a piece of shit, playing with boy’s hole and cheeks. After that, he had boy get on the bed on boy’s hands and knees, and he mounted boy’s ass doggy style. He fucked its ass, rubbing its back, kissing its neck, until He said, “boy this is what you get for disobeying” and He shot rope after rope of cum into its ass until it was running down the inside of boy’s thighs. I jacked boy’s cock and came right after while He was still inside as He held boy tight and told boy how hot boy’s ass was, and by this time, the entire “whatever I did bad” exited, as it cleaned the cum and ass juice from His cock and we fell asleep.

As with anything, the dream was so much hotter than writing it down. Nonetheless it was very hot, and this boy thought that was what leather sex was about: screwing up and getting all the hot things done to it, as a way of “punishment”.

“Pain shouldn’t be used as form of punishment”

When this boy met its MASTER, He explained to boy what He enjoyed, and had a very open discussion about things boy enjoyed as well. Once He decided to train boy, it was given a list of house rules (boy is unable to share these as they are private and tailored to His Home and judgment) and boy was very excited about Him owning a whip and the prospect of boy taking this whip. Of course, boy had the wrong idea, thinking this was for punishment.

As boy found out, He did not use His whip of boys as punishment. This was something based on connection, discipline, focus, and desire, among other things. This left boy a bit confused: wasn’t this stuff the way to punish boy when bad? How else could boy receive His whip? Would boy sometimes actually need to ask for His whip? What about getting its ass fucked? This was a ton of responsibility and made boy feel a bit uncomfortable. What was up with boy having to take ownership of its wants and needs? Why can’t W/we just “play the game” and boy can be mischievous and have its need met?

boy started asking questions about these things. SIR simply said:

“if boy lose focus or forget your place, why would I reward boy for it? Does that make any sense at all? Should I encourage your failures by delivering entertainment? Should I have sessions with you because you manipulate me into it through misbehavior?”

boy thought about it and no, it only made sense if playing, dreaming, role playing etc. It made no sense within the framework of boys SIR.

This was a lesson boy would learn the hard, practical way. boy was very new to being a Leather boy, and made many mistakes. It was typical in this boy’s life, before meting Sir, that boy had always needed to make decisions and take charge, because if boy didn’t take charge, things just didn’t happen. Well, boy learned quickly this wasn’t the way to be.

“Punishment must provoke reflection and responsibility”

SIR and boy were having a conversation over video chat, and SIR had always told boy how he though boy was very handsome. His boy has a bad habit of putting itself down and after SIR had paid boy a compliment, boy said “oh boy is fat”. SIR explained to boy it was not, and not to say this again. As expected boy said this on a subsequent phone call. Yes boy was punished, and it was explained to boy why it was being punished and what the punishment would be and what it would accomplish. SIR ordered boy to write 200 times “SIRS opinion of boys looks is all that matters”. Well, boy thought “ok boy can do this quickly”.  After the call boy began writing. It was harder than boy thought!!! boy could not figure out why it was so hard and then it occurred to boy: it had let its MASTER down, acted inappropriately, and had to deal with its bad habit of speaking negatively about itself.

The task complete, boy sent copies of its completed writing to its MASTER. When He called boy to video chat (currently W/we live 4500 miles apart) He acknowledged boy had completed His order. Then He told boy to listen: that it was ok to feel perhaps boy didn’t look its best that day or week, or maybe its workouts weren’t as hard that day, or just a bit down on itself. The way to deal with these feelings was not to put itself down, acting against His orders, but to be open with Him and tell Him boy was feeling a bit out of sorts and figure out ways to deal with it. That He was here to help boy be the best it can be, and that maybe after writing and seeing 200 times that His opinion was the only one that truly mattered, boy felt much better about itself. This wasn’t just some guy treating boy like a kid or something, there was a lesson and improvement for boy. SIR was pleased with boy, and boy felt a powerful feeling of wonderful inside, being told He was proud of boy.

The point here is that punishment should not keep the sub’s mind watered and fulled by the powerful emotions that BDSM generates. A sub must deserve that kind of attention from a Master. If the sub doesn’t deserve it, repetitive, unpleasing work or just absence of action, talk and connection, is what will force the sub to think about the situation and its own behavior. Pain is an essential part of BDSM language, and if associated with failure or punishment, it will be associated to negative emotions also during positive interactions. Instead, pain should be rewritten and reconnected as a powerful mean of connection between Master and slave, therefor not used as mean of punishment.

Punishment should not be delivered out of anger

On boys first visit, boy was new and didn’t understand the gravity of things it said. It didn’t realize just where it fit in. luckily, boy has a very understanding and caring MASTER. boy ran its big mouth in a very disrespectful, out of focus way, and the shit hit the fan. Needless to say, boys MASTER can be very intimidating and is a very powerful Man.

A foreword is needed, which is that Sir had tried “the good ways” for months by now, and this was the climax of His patience reaching the bottom. He ordered boy to sit down on this couch, and He began very loudly and forcefully reprimanding boy. He seemed to get larger as boy began cowering on the couch. His voice was louder than boy could imagine coming out of Him. boy also got several hard smacks across the face. Very hard. This was not the punishment like the fuck suck rim cum dreams it had before meeting its MASTER. This was pure terror. Not to elevate boy but boy has many times wondered how many boys, meeting this MASTER for the first time, would have stayed there. boy was crying, nose running all over itself, its MASTER looking deadly and so loud and frightening to boy. It was very effective in those ways. But this wasn’t the punishment part. That was boy’s Master being angry, disappointed beyond toleration. He took a few hours to cool down, and then decided what punishment would have been.

Boy’s Collar was removed from its neck, and boy was bound to stay a bit of time without it. Magically, the weight of the Collar that boy was trying to deny and fight against, became the most missing thing boy could feel. It was like being without roots, without direction, without oxygen, without love. The worst thing was to understand that it pushed Master beyond toleration of boy’s bullshit, and the fear of not being able to get Master’s trust and respect back. That forced boy into letting go of the “fight”, and admit the reasons for its behavior.

Afterward, things calmed down, and W/we spoke about it. Rather, SIR spoke about it, and boy listened and learned. As always, boy was invited to speak and soon found itself kneeling on the floor, hugging its MASTERS legs tightly, and crying very deeply, begging its MASTER for forgiveness. Yes boy was forgiven, and as a good MASTER would, He moved U/us on from it. This boy wishes it could say it had learned its lesson but no, it had many lessons to learn, and may tasks given to it to ensure it truly learned. For someone who came from an abusive environment as a child, it was almost magical to have this sort of Man in boys life.

Key to improvement is being forced to look in the mirror

As time went on, the true nature of things came into play, meaning boy discovered why it was so upset inside, and feeling as low as it did. It finally occurred to boy. It was a hugely pivotal moment and caused great positive change in boy, as well as increased its focus.

boy discovered when it lost focus or lost its feeling of contact with its MASTER, or acted out of line, the punishment He meted out was unpleasant, but the feeling of letting Him down was the worst part. Knowing that He was disappointed or maybe had a bad part to His day was deeply felt by boy with no prompting from its MASTER at all. It was knowing its MASTER devoted so much time to His boy, did so many nice things for His boy, trained His boy, and helped improve His boys life, this incredible MASTER who loved His boy, having to deal with His boy acting like an ass. Being defiant, or expecting explanations from Him, etc.  This was so awful and gut wrenching for boy it made boy change and keep at the front of its mind how grateful and fortunate it was to have this MASTER in its life. To be loved by such an amazing Man who found ways to be there for His boy even through a pandemic.

boy enjoyed video chats from Him daily. In fact, there was rarely a day that went by boy did not receive a call from Him. boy learned to view what He did for boy as gifts, because they truly were. He has always been there for boy, guiding boy and helping boy to be better. As He always says, He only expects the best boy can give to Him. As long as boy is doing that, He is happy. Perfection is not necessary.

This is a small portion of boys Leather Journey, and that’s the idea. It is a Journey, and takes time. It makes boy a better boy for Him, engaging in better Service, be it cleaning the House or worshiping His cock. Doing the very best boy can for its MASTER. That’s the good part that comes out of making mistakes. It helps boy to think more, and consider how its words or actions will be received by its MASTER and to work harder to ensure it is serving Him well. The better boy serves its MASTER, the better boy feels deep inside. It appreciates everything not just the big things.

And its learned being His Leather boy is not some dream boy experiences when asleep. It’s the way its life works, and boy is truly living its dream, the life it has always wanted but could never articulate.

 

boy is forever grateful to its MASTER!