This article was originally written by Chris, former member of the website.
First of all, you should make sure that you know What a Master is. Right after that, you should also be sure that you understand what being a slave means. Many men nowadays call themselves Masters and slaves, but only a handful really grasp the meaning of these Titles, and have the integrity to carry on an existence based on an authentic lifestyle, a total commitment, and the deepest adherence to this Creed.
So if you are sure that finding a Master is what you truly want and you are therefor looking for a Master , here is a nice little guide made by my boy Wolfy to help you in your first steps.
The 10 do’s and don’t’s when looking for a Master and presenting yourself
From this boys experience, finding a MASTER/SIR/DOM can be challenging. In this sort of relationship, things can seem complicated, especially when first meeting or making that first contact. boy will list some do’s and don’t’s when it comes to that initial interest and contact.
- Show respect.
- Let him take the lead.
- Don’t get discouraged (time, frequency).
- Be honest but remember you don’t know this person yet.
- Do not feel you are running the conversation.
- Keep in mind, you are seeking Him out.
- Learn to swallow your pride.
- If you do not understand something, ask questions.
- This is not a part time relationship, this is a full time, serious commitment.
- Remember this is something that should enhance both of Y/your lives.
1 – Show Respect
This is something always misunderstood by the new wave of “new guard” queer people; they like to underline how only after the Sir has gained their respect, they should address him as Sir; this shows the deep misunderstanding and non belief in the lifestyle and the sub’s identity as a whole, as your show of Respect is done first of all for yourself, and then for the man in front of you. You must call Dominant men Sir not because you like them or you feel like, but because you find pride in your identity and you don’t need to justify your feelings. You juste need to be a good boy. Calling a man Sir doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to serve him.
Address this Man as SIR unless otherwise directed. He may correct this with how He wishes to be addressed, and that is not a fail on your part. You began showing respect, and you should thank Him for the correction and make this the way you address Him going forward. Tip: if this is online, read His profile, and that can give you many clues about Him, and you can start out properly. Depending on how you wish to serve a MASTER, embrace being called “boy” or “slave”.
2 – Let Him take the lead
This is very important as you are saying to Him “i want to follow You”. In most cases He has some degree of experience or has been mentored, and will move things along as He sees fit. you will be asked questions so He can get a sense of who you are, and with permission, you can ask Him questions also, but again, be respectful in how you ask. Make sure when He gives you the gift of answering your questions that you thank Him. As an example, “Thank You SIR”.
3 – Don’t get discouraged (time, frequency)
You will be excited and very eager to spend lots of time talking and meeting, but be prepared. This will be done on His schedule, and if it doesn’t meet the “fast and furious” feel of new meetings, its ok. This is not a traditional dating relationship. This is interacting with a Man who can provide something much deeper and far more satisfying. It is not your place to question Him as to where He was, what He was doing etc. when you feel He should have been interacting with you. That’s a great way to get a quick shutdown.
4 – Be honest but remember you don’t know this person yet
When speaking together, be honest and accurate. Don’t build yourself up into what you think He may be looking for. Be yourself, and genuine. There are some red flags though. Any good MASTER or SIR will ask relevant questions in the early stages, and it is proper to answer. WARNING: if early on, you are asked for bank account information, money, gifts, or anything else of this sort, run in the other direction. It’s ok to be asked if you work, but thats about it. If money and gifts seem more important that discovering where you are in terms of serving, you may have had the misfortune of meeting what is called a FINDOM. These are despicable individuals that fleece money while promising things in return that do not happen. They take advantage of innocent boys, period. Personally, this boy thinks many probably live in their parents basements, and as they are eating ramen noodles and hot pockets, their father is yelling downstairs “hey, get outside and pick up the dog poop”.
If you want to give money away, there are many great charities that will happily take it, and put it to good use. Supporting some lazy bum is not part of serving. Unless, you just have a fetish for paying money to people, avoid at all costs.
5 – Do not feel you are running the conversation
Do not feel you are running the conversation. In may respects, it is a “speak when spoken to” depending on the protocol. If unsure, ask. Many times just free conversation (including addressing Him properly at all times) can be fun and useful and show the personalities of You both. This can give a great sense of who you hope to be submitting to.
6 – Keep in mind, you are looking for a Master , not the other way around
Most likely He has a wide choice of subs that would like to train under Him. This does not decrease your value a a person in any way, but the reality of the situation is, good MASTERS are in short supply, and there are many many subs to choose from. In fact, many MASTERS have more than just one boy, maybe a save, etc. if you feel you need to be the only one, the Leather Lifestyle may not be for you. It is not a traditional relationship, and He has the right to have what He wants and needs. You should feel proud and grateful if He accepts you into his life!
7 – Learn to swallow your pride
Yes, swallow your pride. Again, swallow your pride. If you wish to serve a MASTER, what He says, goes. This was tough for this boy. boy felt it was able to say what it wanted, in any way it wanted, because hey, I’m a person too. Yes, boy can express itself, but it must do it with respect and choose its words carefully. As much as boy has wanted some things, sometimes the answer was no, and if you truly want to submit and give yourself to this Man, you will not only accept His decision, you will say “Thank You SIR/MASTER” when given you answer.
This can seem limiting, but it is important to trust this Man. After you learn to trust this Man, and realize service is a big part of your life, you will find a feel in of joy deep inside, knowing that you are a good boy for Him. Yes, boy was told this and of course, being the formerly cynical boy, it thought “thats bullshit”. But let boy tell you, it’s true and it does happen. The words “good boy” become worth more than gold to you, and you strive to hear these words as often as you can. Do not let pride or what you think you should have or be get in the way. Remember, this is not some random guy trying to demean you, this is someone you sought out, and are serving, and is building you up to be better that you were; to grow and improve, and it is a beautiful thing.
Pride is indeed one of the most self-damaging elements in BDSM, both towards the submissive but also towards the Dominants. Pride is the byproduct of Ego, and Ego will always fight to maintain the status quo of things, fueled by several different reasons; If you want to start a new life, and truly find freedom, let go of your Ego, and let your Spirit rise.
8 – If you don’t understand something, ask questions.
Make sure your are not just going along with the conversation because you may be agreeable to something that can be frightening or anxiety producing. Remember to be honest. Don’t act like you are very familiar with bondage or whips. The fantasy seems hot, but the reality can be at best, a bit frightening, and at worst, injurious. boys MASTER is very skilled and well known, and boy was tempted to make itself sound more experienced than it was. But boy chose to be honest and its a good thing. The first time boy was gifted with its MASTERS whip, it was scary at first, but He eased boy into it, and in the end, W/we were both surprised how far boy went its first time. This is not about “grinning and bearing pain” or “showing how tough you might be”. It is about connecting with Him, and feeling so connected, so ready to give Him boys body to use as He pleases, the pain is incidental. It was an euphoria to such a degree sometimes, it’s as if boy is out of its body, kneeling at His feet while He skillfully makes love to boy with His whip.
9 – This is not a part time relationship, this is a full time, serious commitment
You will have rules and orders, and these are very important. Sometimes orders cannot be followed, as an example, this boy was to complete a task for its MASTER. boy went to the doctor that day, and was admitted to the hospital. Yes, its MASTER understood, but boy was to complete the task as soon as it could afterward. Going out with friends is not an excuse. I drank too much is not an excuse. I didn’t feel like it is not an excuse. Besides, you will find after all your MASTER does for you, even if you have a completely legitimate reason for non-compliance, it will and should bother you deeply, and you should feel you have let Him down. That feels pretty much like shit, and it saddens your MASTER and both of those together can make you feel very badly, as it should. There will be tough choices but trust in Him to guide you, and you will find happiness.
10 – Remember this is something that should enhance both of Y/your lives
If it feels wrong, it may be you, it may be the wrong MASTER for you, or perhaps this is not the right situation for you. Be honest with yourself and see if this is just a fetish or a way of life. This is a way of life for this boy, and boy has been fortunate to experience so many wonderful things, including improving itself and being ready to have may more experiences. This life does not end right after sex or a session; unless you are just seeking casual leather sex play. It is hard work.
You may question at times, is this worth it? If you commit and are honest and truly desire to serve, that answer will be yes.