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Am I a child of Satan?

Unchained honesty

There I was, lying on the playroom’s floor, while the birds outside in the wonderful Bruxelle’s outlands started chirming in the early morning. I had a coffee cup by my side, and one of SIR’s packages of Reds with me. I lit one up, the umpteenth of that long weekend. The first night there has been one of the most intense I have ever had with HIM, and yet W/we did not have sex, nor there was a hell of a lot of BDSM. It was actually something completely different the whole weekend, not like the times before. We both knew I was there already in a different coat, even if we hadn’t formalized it yet. Many things had happened in my life in those last two years, and I was just not suitable at that moment for Ownership anymore.

“Today I unleash a boy, and I welcome a Brother” HE said. 

Maybe this silent awareness, dressed only with the pleasure of also being physically together again, was what made that weekend so special, and that’s why I finally found the courage of show myself to SIR, not fearing anymore that this would break our Bond. Not because I was going to request interruption of Ownership, no; quite the contrary. No matter the bad things that happen in life, as HE said “Our Bond can take some weight, and yet always resist”.

But this is for another time, and another story, if HE will ever be ok with describing what happened that Friday night.

And yet this event, linked together with the many messages and requests I’m getting from you people out there, make it necessary for me to publicly take a position about the matter. I have seen my face and my public image put together with Satanism online, I have seen messages of men and boys worshipping me or calling me “Brother” in the name of a religion, in the name of juxtaposing The number of the Beast to Christianity. So here it is, to you, the bare truth about it all.

Am I a believer?

Yes I am but I have not always been; there was an “awakening”, and it was quite intense but at the same time a slow cooking.

I have had an education that includes Psychology and Freudian Psychoanalysis, so I have always been a very grounded person when it came to Spirituality. I have always refused strongly any idea of a Religion, as the example I was having by the mainstream Cults around me always disgusted me. People disgust me, in their cultural appropriation, in their use of Religion in defense of their sadism and cruelty, of their hiding behind the mass of pain and historic weight that Religion brings with it their true agenda and in other words, yet another political machinery to abuse the weakest, the ignorants and the scared.

It is also a fact though that I have always refused the Wolf inside of me until 2015. It has always been there, but I never let it live before, because “it was in my head”.

Then, I have slowly realized that everything that we can feel and think is in our heads. Just because we feel it through our mind or senses, it doesn’t mean it’s not real. Actually in most of the cases it’s right in front of us.

The same goes with what we cannot see and touch (as an example, we all know that the human hear can listen sounds between 20Hz and 20kHz. What about the rest? Those sounds are there, they exist, and yet we cannot feel them with our senses; they are called infrasound and ultrasound. In the same fashion, who am I to say that something one can feel is not real?

The way we picture it, the way we visualize and create and make something Sacred, that’s all our work. But yet, it doesn’t mean that what we feel is fake or non existent really. Actually the fact that we need to create Religions and Idols and Gods to picture what we feel in a Spiritual sense, proves that this is real; and it has been real for all human kind since the dawn of times.

So who are we to say that these things are not real?

Science, Mathematics, Medicine. They all are exactly the mechanisms, the nature and the language of what was once called “Magic“. Just because in ancient times they named it Magic not knowing what caused it in scientific terms readable today, it doesn’t mean that Magic doesn’t exist.

What surgeons do? That’s fucking Magic. Bringing someone back to life? That’s fucking Magic. Being able to predict the weather? That’s fucking Magic. Being able to make phone calls wirelessly? Internet? Very magical shit.

What I’m trying to say is that in this debacle it’s all about putting wars where there is no need for a war to happen at all. I say that Magic and Spirit exist, and by saying that I’m not saying that Medicine and Science are less. I’m saying that Medicine and Science are the language of Magic, and that the word “Magic” has been historically belittled, discredited and ridiculed.

So what about 666?

Let’s start of by making something very clear, and I’m sure most of you know this, but just for the sake of clarity:

The association of the number 666 with Satan, “Evil”, the Devil, Hell, Disgrace, Bad luck and so on, is nothing else but a cultural appropriation (and a cultural violence and a cultural rape) done by Christianity. It’s not like they have invented the number.

They have just assigned their own sacredness to it, and because of the fact that Christianity is one of the leading Monotheistic Religions out there since 2.000 years, now this number is associated with Evil, or Satan. By recognizing the number of the Beast as the number of the Devil, you also accept the second one-wayed interpretation of facts which is again Christianity-centered, which is that the Devil, Lucifer, the Demons and so on, they are “Evil”.

It’s quite of a simplistic way to nicely package complex, deep and heavy topics like “Good & Evil”, and the balance in the Universe and so on. It’s way better to feed to masses a simple concept, dressed with a Dogmatic sense of “Faith” (aka: ask no questions), to sell along with a nice bait promise: Salvation / Afterlife.

Now, we’re not here to discuss about all that. I’m Agnostic, in this sense; I serenely accept that my small human brain is not designed to be able to know or worry about what awaits for us after death (aka: decay), and I honestly don’t care. I prefer to live my life to the fullest, and then just have a “let’s enjoy the ride” kind of approach towards death. I believe is the only natural event that’s going to happen to us all after we are born, so it cannot be that tragic. Death is only tragic for those who stay alive.

Although most of us know about 666 from Christianity and the Bible, there are many other interpretations for this number. In some spiritual circles, 666 is a triple number of 6, a feminine number representing home and family, idealism and loyalty. As a triple number it has three times the power of a typical 6, meaning even greater energy. Among some pagan cultures, 666 is actually symbolic of goddess energy—one number 6 for each aspect of the goddess—maiden, mother and crone. Who knows? Maybe 666 became associated with evil due to some ancient male writer’s fear of women.

In other philosophies, 666 refers not to the Mark of the Beast, but to humanity. According to researcher Clyde Lewis, he reminds us that we are carbon-based living units, which reduces us to 6 protons, 6 neutrons and 6 electrons or 666. Perhaps mankind is the so-called beast. Some biblical interpreters would agree, citing that Revelations 13:18 should be translated as “the number of man” plural instead of the “number of a man” singular. According to ancient Jewish mysticism known as Kabbalah, 666 is a holy number. It represents creation and the physical universe. In the Torah, God creates the world in 6 days. There are also 6 cardinal directions emanating from a central point in the universal plane—north, south, east, west, above and below. All physical space and objects adhere to these dimensions. Repeating the number 6 three times emphasizes the power, strength and perfection of creation. Source

666 demon satan religion satanism numerology misunderstood

What does it mean to me?

Of course I am more sensitive to topics and interpretations coming from Christianity and Catholicism. I was after all born in Italy, one of the Countries whom are the most drenched in this religious subculture-driven sense of society.

To me the number 666 represents in toto my own Spirituality. It is a Symbol, a mark, a preyer, a source of Energy and trust in myself and in the future. Coming from the Catholic background I’ve been talking about, I have always lived this dichotomy as follows:


Order, Idealism, Protocol, Control but also  Manipulation, Lies, Oligarchy, Frustration of needs


Chaos, Power, Rage, Fire, Violence but also Honesty, Fairness, Democracy, Free Will, Self Empowerment

It has always been a delicate balance between these two forces inside of me, or for better saying, as I have explained in detail in “The Rise of the Wolf” at Lupus Dei Chapter,

 So whose really, in my way of seeing things, Lupus Dei? Lupus Dei is him who decides to knowledge completely these two souls, and find a way to make the good out of it. Lupus Dei will find a way to satisfy the Beast inside trying not to harm others, while using its strength to lighten and enrich other people’s lives. He is the one who dedicates his life to building a pack with its Brothers, and who uses it’s inner strength and resilience to feel all the passion of the flesh, and use it for the wellness of its pack.

Lately though I’ve come to terms with a slightly different interpretation of this matter of “Wolf of God”. Let’s follow a logic scheme of thoughts using the Christian narrative as a main focus point and language, since basically in every Religion (Eastern or Western, Modern or Ancient) these debacle theme about “Good against Evil / Heaven against Hell” has always been present.

If God created everything, and Lucifer was in fact one of God’s three archangels, and it was God’s choice to cast him away from Heaven, God must have also created Hell. It must be part of God’s plan. We are all part of God’s picture, in our own Nature.

So if the existence of Lucifer and his fall and Hell are part’s of God’s plan, and since Hell has the function to “host” the souls of the Damned, why must there be an antagonism going on? Why must there be a war? Why can’t we take a different (and personal, and authentic) look at this, leaving aside what was written by some superstitious group of men a very long time ago? Why can’t we decide for ourselves what to believe in? Is it maybe that if we decide things for ourselves we find it hard to validate them, while if they’re written on a book and preached by others then it’s easier? Is this the real damage that Monotheistic Religions have done to our minds and souls?

What if Demons and Angels simply do different jobs in the same big scheme and picture? What if Demons and Angels and Gods and Monsters are simply different elements in the same Celestial order of things, and we are all part of the same big environment? What if we are Guardians, Defenders, Soldiers and Alchemist? Why must we feel hate for each other?

Nature is never wrong, and never fails. Even its biological failures are part of a “source code”. Of course it’s not nice at all to be placed by faith, Destiny or simply “bad luck” to be put on the most horrible sides of this scheme (being born in a third world country, under war and plague, being born deformed or with a sever illness or handicap, and so on).

Here is what I have chosen to Believe in:

Call it God, call it Big Bang, we are all part of the same Universe. This same Universe works underneath the same physics, chemical and biological rules. We are all part of a same breath, we are all part of the same matter, we are all different pieces of a big puzzle. And we are all going to die.

Good, Evil, Heaven, Hell, Sex, Love, Hate, Anger, Revenge, Piety, Altruism, Generosity, Creation, Destruction. They are all languages and instances of the same energy.

The energy that burns deep inside of me is a raw power with its own intents and purposes. I am designed by my nature to be a Hunter, a Guardian, a Beast that brings Destruction and Pain, but also Clarity, Transformation (which is the consequence of a part of what Destruction brings with it), Power, Trust, Love and Pride. This energy alone makes me a HellHound, a Beast, a Monster in my own way. But of course, this power and destiny, are not alone inside of me. The other side of me is my human brain and sense of moral compass, of piety, a sense of “Right and Wrong”. So what can I do with it? I can harness this power; I have learnt (and I’ll keep learning) to manage it, use it, channel it, and I am not enslaved by my own nature. I am the Master of my nature; and when we become Masters of our minds, of our nature and of our power, we are all our own personal Gods.

From a pagan and pantheistical point of view, all of us or some of us, are wether “possessed” or “incarnations” of Angels, Demons, Gods. They had all different powers and purposes and destinies.

Can you feel and decided for yourselves what is yours?



Final Thoughts

No, I am not a Satanist. Just as much as I am not part of any other Mainstream Religion.

Yes, I am Religious, to my own interpretation, to my own Cult, to my own existence (physical and Spiritual).

No, I don’t consider myself a God or a Demon in a fashion of “I am a God, you are worshippers” dynamic.

Yes, i do consider myself a God / Demon in the “I can harness this power and fulfill a natural scheme for my own Destiny, which is crafted by me” dynamic. In my eyes, whoever can do this, is to be considered “divine”.

Just as I explained my point of view over Science / Magic dynamic, I believe in a God – Demon / Exceptional – Talented and self aware Spiritual person dynamic.

Yes, I do hang out with Satanists; I also hang out with Catholics and Christians (my husband and one of my Mentors are. Interesting, no?)

No, I am not offended when you people send messages like “Hail Satan” and such. I am amused and flattered and happy and I feel love inside. I might also answer “Hail Satan”, just as much as I could say “Amen” to somebody else. When I see passion and Spirituality burning inside of another being, I am always fulfilled and excited. And wether you call me Satan, or God, or Lupus, or any other interpretation of what you see in me and feel from me, I like it. Names are made up by humans. What I worship and preach doesn’t need to be Branded. It only needs to be.

I am not scared to be associated with Satanism as much as I’m not scared to be associated with Christianity (but not with Catholicism). But I prefer you all to listen to my story, get to know me, and understand who I am, what I do, what I believe in, and then freely decide if I’m an entity you want in your path, or if I am not.







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LeatherBigWolf, 1989. Introduced to the Leather Lifestyle and Sexuality by its husband in 2008, has immediately recognized the deeper connection to what was called the Old Guard Leather Culture and Lifestyle. Since then it became his only way of engaging with Men and Manhood, trying to inspire and educate as many as possible by sharing his own lifestyle, adventures and thoughts on this website. Founder and Creative Director of HausMeinGott.

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